Future Homeowners Association of Valley Center advises town: clean up your act!



The Future Homeowners Association of Valley Center has announced that it is forming and invites members from people who will be buying property in Valley Center, or are thinking about it.

The purpose of the group is to get a handle on the inappropriate growth and the tacky look in Valley Center before it gets out of hand. The people who should stop inappropriate growth are the people who are moving into the community, they say. They have the taste and the money to take this problem in hand.

They are proposing a number of quality of life changing regulations such as a toll road that would begin at the top of the Valley Center grade. The purpose of the toll is to make people think twice before they head down the grade to do business. It will also use the money collected to form a beautification fund to persuade existing businesses to remodel and get rid of the “goat roper” look. And if suggestion doesn’t work, well, there’s always the courts, they say. 

The group’s new leader, Ken Wallop exclaimed, “The problem is that these buildings should never have been built in the first place. And now that people with a superior sense of style are moving in, the owners should have the good grace to just demolish them and replace them with something. Anything. Just drive tractors over them if nothing else, pour gasoline and light a match.”

Wallop, who is moving to Valley Center from a gated community in Orange County, told the paper, “We haven’t almost moved here to see a lot of people driving around and getting in the way of the beautiful views here. Get a clue! The view doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to people who are spending upwards of $800,000 a house—or more—to live here. And if you are driving some beater with a lousy paint job, that just makes things unpleasant for everybody! At the very least you could stay off the streets until after dark!”

From Wallop’s perspective, the coronavirus lockdown is actually a positive because it means that fewer people with unattractive automobiles, and, let’s face it, unattractive people in general, will stay off the streets and out of everyone’s sightlines. “Especially those of you who, because all the styling salons are closed, are, if you get my meaning, getting in touch with your roots. Stay off the roads and out of the supermarkets!”

The group is composed of soon-to-be-residents, many of them from Orange County, who don’t want to wait until they move to Valley Center to have a say in how it is run.

“We will have a board of directors. And while we don’t have any legal power, we have a lot of moral authority. And while it’s true that no one has yet heard of us, they will soon. We expect our influence to grow exponentially.”

Wallop, told The Roadrunner, “You’ve got a really nice town here, but you guys who have lived here all these years really don’t know how to keep it a wonderful place to live. You need us to help you. And really, since we are going to be paying the lion’s share of the property taxes now, you ought to just move out of the way and let us get started saving the place!”

He added, “We haven’t almost moved to Valley Center in order to see big ugly houses like ours from our living room windows.”

The local Chamber of Commerce was called by The Roadrunner to get comments on whether the new organization should be welcomed with open arms, or simply tolerated.

Chamber spokesman Herman GratSicht told the paper: “We strongly protest this new organization. You can’t have an association that has no power, has no influence, and that no one has ever heard of. That’s our job!” April Fool. 

35 responses to “Future Homeowners Association of Valley Center advises town: clean up your act!”

  1. Enrico Ferro says:

    Brilliant! Really got under my skin. Would love to encounter this individual while driving my beater truck in my farm clothes.

  2. R. Michael Wilkinson says:

    Why did you say “April Fool”??? You didn’t give anyone’s heads time to explode before you let them off of the hook! WHERE is the FUN in THAT??

  3. Chughes says:

    I guess he thinks we are among the “deplorables”! Must be a Democrat!

  4. Jack Anderson says:

    While this article may be an april fools joke, it accurately reflects what is going on here. Enough of people trying to tell me how I should live my life, what roads I can drive on without roundabouts, what stores I can shop in, etc. The county has a department that enforces building codes. If your neighbor puts toilets out on the road to sell after a home remodel you can anonymously file a complaint with the county and have them removed. I am tired of people who move in because of what we are and then try to change us into what THEY want or worse yet people who have lived here a longtime and refuse to change with the times! I am tired of people telling me how I am supposed to live my life and that is no joke.

  5. BA says:

    Where on Gods green earth does this Orange County reject get off talking about VC and the people of this town like he did?? Clearly he is not high society enough to stay in the OC but bc money talks and BS walks he thinks he’s entitled to an opinion in here? Guess what?? We don’t WANT or NEED you or your money. This is a town where the local market accepts us the way we are walking in with dirt on our boots after a hard days work. I would much rather have smelled the dairy in the center of town over the Stench that you bring. We don’t need to strut around in our Range Rovers and LV bags. This is not the place for you and your “HOA”. Where do you get off referring to the people of VC as “ugly”. Looks can be gone in a flash and the hearts of the people who have lived her for generations are more beautiful than anything you offer. Just because you couldn’t make it in the land of Botox and materialistic self centered reality show drama doesn’t mean you can bring your sense of entitlement here. You are scum and need to go back to your trailer park in the OC. I look forward to meeting you and putting you in your place.

    • admin says:

      read the full article

      • Steven Tweed says:

        April fool’s day is April 1st by the way

      • Gemma Lu Norman says:

        Why was this published before April 1st?
        This is clearly an inflammatory article and maybe the owner of the V.C. Roadrunner (Justin Salter) should be the one we direct our ire toward. He is obviously a narcissist who feeds on all of the responses.
        Maybe just shut down the Roadrunner and refuse to go to the Western Days, which he also owns.

        • admin says:

          You give me too much credit – but if you read the article, David Ross is at the byline. 😉
          -Justin

        • DR says:

          Why are you so uptight? Some people are just having fun and if you are claiming “Self-Defense” than you probably should not be reading outside material and should be just staying in your home – TV off and no relationship with the outside world… Just sayin”….

    • Tracy says:

      ABSOFUCKINLUTELY!
      WELL SAID, IF ITS NOT BROKE
      DONT FIX!

    • Roxie says:

      Omg, couldn’t believe whatvi just read…have been ‘visiting’VC since tent camping at Woods Valley,for about 20+years and now upgrade to a lil trailer. But both my hubby and I could not believe the change we saw in the community. Especially the road to the campground! When did that golf community sprout??, unbelievable.

      Yes, we are also from OC/Huntington Beach, but we are modest homeowners and come to VC to get away and relax. Recently visited the ‘museum ‘& spotted Betty Crocker’s house,alittle hard to find but sadly close- loved the back roads to find it. Wonderful, docent gave us directions to a local restaurant but we ended uo going up the grade to find a real nice local mexican place instead.

      Please dont think that all OC people are a$$holes as that guy who complained about your beautiful area.

  6. Concerned Resident says:

    There’s enough of such neighborhoods in OC. Keep your pompous mentality there, not here. People here like the character of this rural town!

  7. CmD says:

    This is GREAT!!!
    You got me at first.
    I forwarded to several with “You MUST READ” alerts.

  8. will says:

    Wallop?
    GratSicht?
    Ausgezeichnet! – a Menippean poke perhaps at the sprouting VC KB tenementables – ha!

  9. MT says:

    Why write something like this when people are under enough stress right now. Yes, you may think it is funny but it is upsetting to read!

  10. Murray says:

    Wow! I see trouble coming. And they sure not going to like my beat up car and they way I dress. And calling Valley Center “ugly”. I think what ugly is other people telling others how to live!

  11. Oldtymer says:

    Fish on!

    Twice so far.

  12. Betsy says:

    Its not April.. so shame on you.

  13. Shelley Michelle Sloane says:

    I heard that this guy plans on demolishing our horse trails, put fences around each tree and require all properties to be fully planted and manicured.

  14. Larry R. Patterson says:

    Well, it only took thirty years a livin’ up here to realize that if I read somethin’ in The Roadrunner and it caused the hair on the back o’ my neck to bristle some, and my blood pressure to peak a bit, that it is time to check my calendar. This is the first time in all those years that I spotted your subterfuge right off’n the bat. I am finally a local! I still can’t believe I fell for the Mexican Bull Rider story last year! Thanks for the chuckle.

  15. allen f penwright says:

    aren’t you glad they are putting up their prison walls up really dolls up vc road

  16. Brett Weeda says:

    I don’t even live in VC anymore, but that got my blood boiling. Remember when the Grouchy Goucho changed hands and the owner referred to VC residents in similar disparaging remarks…I don’t remember the exact verbiage, but folk made t-shirts with the words and they were a hit.

  17. Robyn H says:

    Is this an April Fools joke or not??!

  18. Patricia Hirsch says:

    This is a pretty sad and rude joke.

    Someone mentioned the lack of sensitivity, in so many words, to the fact that we already are under a lot of stress with the unknown of the corona virus and the upcoming election and to read this, it only heightened my sense of how people are automatically shaming and being critical of others for their choices in life.

    If you see this remark, and have any compassion, I highly recommend that you delete this insensitive, supposedly comical, joke from this online paper.

    • dr says:

      Why are you so uptight? Some people are just having fun and if you are claiming “Self-Defense” than you probably should not be reading outside material and should be just staying in your home – TV off and no relationship with the outside world… Just sayin”….

  19. DIANE RUSH says:

    Is this a joke? It sure sounds like it. If not, this Wallop guy really walloped me in the brain with his take on what Valley Center needs. Nobody like him is wanted in this beautiful town.

  20. Renee Susan Meyst says:

    I new as soon as I read the title it was your yearly April Fool article. Interesting to read replies and how many fell for it.
    Easy to tell who have been here less than 10 years! Roundabouts and stylish OC people aside, thanks for the good laugh.

  21. Wayne says:

    Bife me anyway…..

  22. 001 says:

    Hey Kenny boy. I think u need to get yr math right which I guess Commie School taught u backwards… I would love to see when the number of acres yr group owns exceeds that of all the current owners, which would mean u guys would still be the minority in-so-far as how much in property taxes being paid. Therefore plz provide a list of ALL. of yr “group’s” members so OUR BOARD can tell u what to do, and when. U can start w wiping our arses!!!

  23. Tai says:

    While finally getting down to read this I was getting pretty upset , but 1/3 of the way through I figured it must be an April fools article like the past sink hole one. You pushed all the right buttons to get me going. I took it as silliness and got a chuckle. It did not upset me. I love VC.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *