Valley Center, CA
December 1, 2022

No legacy library this time . . . rather, the museum of ‘Alternate Facts’

This newspaper has just been informed that any plans for a presidential library honoring the most recent (losing) tenant of the White House have been scrapped.
Rather, new multi-million-dollar fundraising will go to build something probably even more popular to the general public: a museum that will highlight – and honor – the many variations from the truth issued by Donald Trump and his Republican cohorts. Its name: the Alternate Facts Museum (corporate mission: lies, lies, the bigger, the better, the more often repeated).
And we have gotten a brief description of what some of the major installations in this museum will be:
• The “Huge Inauguration Crowd” installation: This appropriately introduces all the other deviations from actual facts by Trump and Republican pals, consisting of a huge photo of the crowds at Trump’s inauguration as president. This photograph will be photoshopped to make the crowds look twice as big as the hundreds of thousands who attended President Barack Obama’s inauguration. This basic untruth was underscored by Sean Spicer, press secretary and head of communications for Trump, who said the crowds were “the largest ever” for a presidential inauguration, thus contradicting what was obvious to all who had been at or watched the event on television: that the numbers attending Trump’s inauguration were substantially fewer than those attending Obama’s. Spicer’s assertion was later described by a Trump sycophant as an “alternative fact,” thus paving the way for Trump’s many other deviations from reality.
• The “Quick Cures” installation: This installation will feature a large robotic mannequin stretched out on a bed and receiving two kinds of treatments to kill off the COVID-19 virus: one, a huge syringe injecting bleach into the mannequin; the other a big UV light shining on the mannequin’s forehead. The mannequin will then periodically sit up, stand up and dance around, exclaiming, “See — cured, cured!”
• The “Global Warming a Hoax” installation: Here, a large screen will present a series of videos of extreme wintry weather – especially featuring the recent Texas storm – thereby apparently providing evidence that the planet is actually doing more cooling than warming. The plaque explaining this phenomenon will lack any discussion of weather “extremes” or the Texas power collapsing and leaving residents without electricity or water for several days.
• The “Illegal Water Bottle” installation: This one features a photo of a police officer arresting and putting in handcuffs a young woman who had just handed a bottle of water to someone standing in a long line of those waiting to vote. According to a recent bill passed in Georgie, providing water to someone waiting in line at a polling place is a felony – and just one of several other provisions being devised by Republicans across the country to suppress voting. What exactly makes this simple transaction illegal? —not explained.
• Just “A Normal Tour Visit ” installation: Here, we will have a large photo of house representative Andrew Clyde (R-GA) in his office on January 6 attempting to barricade his office doors against those wanting to enter (apparently, perhaps, some of his constituents wanting to speak to him and thank him for his service, but his schedule is apparently too crowded to meet with him that day). And he then later said that the overrunning of the Capitol that day was just “a normal tour visit” – that is, if you had somehow missed the videos of what actually happened. Other Republicans offered similar Jan. 6 “rewrites,” claiming Trump had nothing to do with inciting the mob, or that the rioters were either true patriots or members of Antifa disguised as Trump supporters.
• The “Big Lie” installation (the biggest “alternate fact” of all): Billed as “A Stolen Election,” this installation will consist of a room with a machine shredding ballots, an adjacent large video feed replicating a Fox News segment, the anchors charging that multiple computer polling systems were hacked in the 2020 election and therefore had reversed up to 10 million votes, from Biden to Trump. Then, periodically, a hologram of the Donald will descend from a misty cloud, a halo-like penumbra behind his head spelling out MTPA, for “Making Trump President Again.”
Yes, many Trump fans had hoped for the traditional honor of a presidential library. But they were stymied by a lack of material to place there since, One, Trump famously dislikes writing anything down (that might be used as evidence), and, Two, the majority of his paper documents consist of the past ten years of his tax returns (attempted to be hidden from both the general public and New York criminal lawyers) . . . and hundreds of golfing score cards.
So, they figured, a museum of alterative facts would be really more representative anyway.

*Note: Opinions expressed by columnists and letter writers are those of the writers and not necessarily those of the newspaper.

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